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| Today, Igal is going to end his trip in Taiwan and yesterday night I called Becky hearing that he wanted to stand up w/o sleep in the last day in Taiwan. I know he must be very reluctant to go back and hope that he can stay like 3 months more or something. After I hung up the phone, I thought of what I felt in the US before coming back and, interestingly, Iagl didn¡¦t want to go back is so much like I don¡¦t want to come back¡K¡K.but, one who didn¡¦t want to leave Taiwan for the MN while the other didn¡¦t want to leave MN for Taiwan¡K.I suddenly felt sad because I missed all of u so bad¡K.i can even feel the air of MN and tons of memories just all jumped into my mind and so many of u¡K¡KI cried to the Lord and asked why the feeling is still so strong after I was back for so long and I should have felt the same no matter where I am as long as the Lord is being w/ me but the strong feeling actually kept me for so long which never ended since I was back here. I felt repentant because my heart is not pure to Him for that I sometimes so much confused that the feeling why I miss MN. I think much part is out of the comfortable feeling to live there, the environment and the living style and the tender sweet church life there. It is definitely not only the Lord Himself!!!! Yesterday night, I cried to the Lord for a biggest reason: ¡§why u have not purify my love yet which I have asked for so many times since I come back??????¡¨ I would think that if my love was purified, then I should feel the same no matter I am and I won¡¦t miss MN this bad. But now the thing is that I still miss there so bad, which I just cannot control my emotion¡K¡Khow sad¡K.
Well, first of all, recently, I posted many articles with grumble and w/o supplying, I hope u don¡¦t affected by my up and down emotion!
And, I actually still enjoy the Lord in my everyday life but just sometimes some ¡§outlier¡¨ will show; yesterday night was a case like that¡K¡K. | | |
| Here is an open question to whoever want to answer it. Have u ever feel pressure in u're church life?or all u're church life just feel love and tender care? i know tons of saints feel that church life in Teipei is so strong and good. but, maybe i am in the process, i have totally different experience here...i move form Hshin-Chu to Teipei since my school now is in Teipei. in the beginning, that's maybe because of new environment, but now i am still sometimes suffering the different life. (do not take me wrong by using the word "suffering.") the kind of rigorous church life. we are required to attend every meeting and even blening w/o excuse because we have to "learn to deny ourselves and just go for the Lord." sometimes, the crowd schedule holds my breath and i just hope to take a rest and a breath but i was not allowed to do that. lots of time, i was lost in all these regulations w/o enjoying the lord and the sweet life what i felt before was like never come back....i don't know......i think i am on the process to be transfer. i actually rely on my feeling a lot...but sometimes what i feel is not exactly what the Lord feel....recently, i especially experience the Lord's working in me, the nature being. i sometimes finally know that's how He wants to transfer us to be well-prepared bride. | | |
| ha~ i got u're cd form Becky! it's so sweet and lovely! i listen to it everyday~ haha. i was busy to death where so many super clever students around. many courses are demanding and some too-smart professors are driving us crazy....i miss u so much especially when i listen to those songs which brought me back to so much long ago and so many sweet memory which i would never forgot....thanks for the cd, i love it so much!!! | | |
| i was really confused right now....what's His purpose to bring me here...the good thing is that church life is very strict and strong which means that i can get the good perfection here, but, other than that, i have no idea why i am here. i thought i was in finance dept and could dig into finance field so that i can study advance after that, like get my phd in the states and be a professional finance analyst in fed or central bank in Taiwan doing modeling or pricing. but, i knew finance dept was belong to MBA program this week, well, this week is the first week of this semester, and i was totally astonished there because i didn't realize that....well, there is nothing wrong w/ where it belong to, but i was one of the people who strongly agree w/ working experience before entering MBA program. so, basically, i would not choose to study MBA in Taiwan because none of universities require students to have working experiences. but, now, i am one menber of this program, and that makes me fell that i was so far away from what i want. besides that, i feel very bad 'cause most of my classmates are aggressive to earn $ and most of courses are talking about how to play stocks, future and other securities. well, i can also be like that because i was born to eloquence---i mean in chinese--- which means that i can easily to talk w/o stage fright, be persuasive, aggressive and ambitious pursuing my life and schoolwork....those were what i do before! but, they are just natural being...all of my brain were full of being rich at that point of time. Also, there is nothing wrong w/ the thinking of being rich but i would rather now pursue things w/ eternal value, the Lord. for me, i strongly believe where my fortune is where my heart is. i don't think i can love the Lord w/ all my heart and chase to be rich at the same time. Sadly, i feel guilty when i think that i should be enthusiastic in my classes, but i just can't because i feel those courses are like teach me "speculation" which is what Lord doesn't like. How sad, i was kind of mass so i may write w/o logic, but, do you know what am i saying? Most of students in my dept get the jobs involved in stock, future and some else. Basically, their goal are use money to earn more and make a fortune, and what they do are "pure buying and selling." i don't think Lord will like those kind of jobs, so i feel like donkey in my class looking at their aggressive attitude. i am always hard working student striving excellent, but the situation now is so hard and i don't know what should i do..................then i start wondering why the Lord put me here, and what He wants me to learn....... | | |
| YA!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~
hehe~I had great day today though it was as common as usual. but i do appreciate the bless form God and the joy inside for the whole day. sisters in sisters' house lighted the candles for me and i made my three wishes~hahaha ~^^~
Moreover, i got the gift from my mom. she mail the gift to me because i haven't gone home even once in this semester. @@|||...ohoh...but i am so happy to receive my present from her. sweety mom~
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